How do I rekindle our
Today's Question: We have been married for a
few years now, and it seems that our love is not as great as it
used to be. How can we rekindle our love?
Bible Answer: Marital
love is like a fire. If you do nothing to a fire, it will
eventually die out. You have to keep fanning the flame and place
logs in the fire to keep the flame burning. You determine the
brightness of a fire.
The same is true of love and marriage. At the
beginning of a relationship, most couples try hard to be loved by
each other. They go out of their way to be nice and loveable. Yet
after they get married and are assured of one another's love,
they begin to take each other for granted. They stop doing what
they did at first.
Jesus said to the church in Ephesus, "You
have forsaken your first love...Repent and do the things you did
at first" (Revelation 2:4).
The key to returning back to the love you once
had is TO DO THE THINGS YOU DID AT FIRST. Let me suggest some
things that you need to do again.
1. Spend time together. When
was the last time you went out together by yourselves? It may
have been a long time. Couple needs to regularly go out together
Don't be like the couple in Kansas. While they
were asleep in bed, a terrible tornado swept through their town.
The tornado lifted their house and carried it twenty miles, and
laid it gently across the other side of the county.
After a few minutes, the wife began sobbing.
The husband softly patted her on the shoulder and said,
"Honey, everything's alright. We're safe. Don't be
She said, "I'm not crying because I'm
afraid. I'm crying because I'm so happy. This is the first time
we've been out in ten years."
Don't wait for a tornado to force you out
2. See the best in each other.
Benjamin Franklin once said, "Enter marriage with your eyes
wide open, and half shut thereafter."
Maybe your mother tried to warn you about
marrying your husband. She would point out all his flaws. But you
said, "Mother, if you only knew him like I know him, you
would love him!" You would not listen to your mother's
But now, you're starting to see your husband
through your mother's eyes. You forgot to see the best in him.
You married him because you saw the best in him. Continue to see
the best in him. This, of course, goes for the man also.
It didn't bother you, mister, that your fiance
couldn't cook. The important thing was that she was beautiful,
kind and loveable. But now after being married, you complain
about the fact that she can't cook. Why is it bothering you now?
Because you are not seeing the best in her.
3. Publicly show affection.
I'm not saying that you should make out in public. I am saying
that you should hold hands, put your arms around each other and
give a little kiss now and then.
There are two reasons for doing this.
First, the spouse receiving the affection is
not as tempted to look for love from others. Second, the spouse
giving the affection lets off a signal to other would-be spouse
stealers that you are happy so buzz off.
Let's face it. Adultery is a real problem in
our day. And we need to do anything that can stop this problem.
Public affection can stop adultery from happening.
4. Be attractive. Let's face
it: you did not marry your spouse for his or her brain alone. You
felt some attraction for each other. So it's important that you
continue looking good for each other.
One reason for adultery is that the wife stops
looking good. This makes the temptation of adultery even greater.
Now, I'm not excusing adultery. Adultery is wrong no matter what
the reason is. I'm simply trying to help you avoid adultery and
at the same time rekindle your marriage.
Here's a scenario that's repeated in thousands
of households. The couple wakes up and the first thing they see
is each other with sleepy, puffy eyes. But instead of the wife
getting dress before her husband goes to work, she stays looking
a real mess.
She puts on those big rollers on her hair that
makes her look like she's ready for an execution. She puts on the
old, rotten robe that should have be burned at the inquisition.
She doesn't brush her teeth, so her breath smells like the breath
of ten thousand camels.
But her husband has to get ready for work. He
combs his hair, brushes his teeth, splashes on cologne and puts
on his suit. He looks like he came out of GQ magazine.
And as he drives off in his car, he sees in the
rear view mirror his wife standing at the front door, looking
like she just had an operation. She could be seen waving at him
as he hears the fainted words from his wife, "Hurry
And what does he find at work? He finds these
knock out women who look like they came out of Vogue magazine. He
smells their pretty perfume. He looks at their enticing clothes.
And one of the women shows a little interest in him. But he tries
to resist temptation. He knows he has someone at home who loves
him. He must say no to this other woman.
But as he compares notes, this other woman sure
looks a lot better than his wife. And...well...you know the rest
of the story.
Again, I want to reiterate that I'm not
excusing this man's behavior, I'm simply showing how temptation
works. So it's important that both the husband and wife continue
to look good for each other.
Husbands can be just as guilty. Many have a
belly that hangs over their belt. They demand to save money and
wear the clothes that belong to the seventies. They stop wearing
deodorant, after all they prefer the manly smell. The trouble is
the manly fragrance smells more like the city dump.
As you can see, it's important to be attractive
for each other, just like you used to be.
These and many other things are some of the
logs you can place in your fire that can rekindle your marriage.
5. Talk to each other. Don't
you remember how you used to love talking to each other over the
phone? You used to spend hours on the phone talking about
nothing. And through your conversations you fell in love more
with each other. Why? Because words are the most intimate things
Words reveal your heart.
Yet many couples don't even share important
things with each other. Have you shared your dreams with each
other lately? Do it. It's amazing how words can make you fall in
6. Submit to each other. When
you were first dating, I'm sure that you asked your partner what
he would like to do, where he would like to eat.
You used to say, "Honey, it doesn't matter
to me where we eat tonight or which movie to go to. Whatever you
want is fine with me." You see, you wanted to please the
But now you may have started arguing over which
restaurant you were going to eat at. You want your way, and he
wants his way. It's
time to remember that it is more blessed to give than to receive.
a Windows Media presentation where Tom and Sonia share
how to have a "Marriage Made in Heaven:
Part 1 and Part 2." They explore the differences between men
and women, and show how each partner can better meet each other's unique
needs. They filmed the shows in the Caribbean Islands.
Husbands Need. Both shows are 28 min 30 sec each.
Read more Bible Answers to Today's
here if you're interested in having Tom
Brown come to your area
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