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How do I rekindle our Marriage?

Today's Question: We have been married for a few years now, and it seems that our love is not as great as it used to be. How can we rekindle our love?

Bible Answer: Marital love is like a fire. If you do nothing to a fire, it will eventually die out. You have to keep fanning the flame and place logs in the fire to keep the flame burning. You determine the brightness of a fire.

The same is true of love and marriage. At the beginning of a relationship, most couples try hard to be loved by each other. They go out of their way to be nice and loveable. Yet after they get married and are assured of one another's love, they begin to take each other for granted. They stop doing what they did at first.

Jesus said to the church in Ephesus, "You have forsaken your first love...Repent and do the things you did at first" (Revelation 2:4).

The key to returning back to the love you once had is TO DO THE THINGS YOU DID AT FIRST. Let me suggest some things that you need to do again.

1. Spend time together. When was the last time you went out together by yourselves? It may have been a long time. Couple needs to regularly go out together by themselves.

Don't be like the couple in Kansas. While they were asleep in bed, a terrible tornado swept through their town. The tornado lifted their house and carried it twenty miles, and laid it gently across the other side of the county.

After a few minutes, the wife began sobbing. The husband softly patted her on the shoulder and said, "Honey, everything's alright. We're safe. Don't be afraid."

She said, "I'm not crying because I'm afraid. I'm crying because I'm so happy. This is the first time we've been out in ten years."

Don't wait for a tornado to force you out together.

2. See the best in each other. Benjamin Franklin once said, "Enter marriage with your eyes wide open, and half shut thereafter."

Maybe your mother tried to warn you about marrying your husband. She would point out all his flaws. But you said, "Mother, if you only knew him like I know him, you would love him!" You would not listen to your mother's complaints.

But now, you're starting to see your husband through your mother's eyes. You forgot to see the best in him. You married him because you saw the best in him. Continue to see the best in him. This, of course, goes for the man also.

It didn't bother you, mister, that your fiance couldn't cook. The important thing was that she was beautiful, kind and loveable. But now after being married, you complain about the fact that she can't cook. Why is it bothering you now? Because you are not seeing the best in her.

3. Publicly show affection. I'm not saying that you should make out in public. I am saying that you should hold hands, put your arms around each other and give a little kiss now and then.

There are two reasons for doing this.

First, the spouse receiving the affection is not as tempted to look for love from others. Second, the spouse giving the affection lets off a signal to other would-be spouse stealers that you are happy so buzz off.

Let's face it. Adultery is a real problem in our day. And we need to do anything that can stop this problem. Public affection can stop adultery from happening.

4. Be attractive. Let's face it: you did not marry your spouse for his or her brain alone. You felt some attraction for each other. So it's important that you continue looking good for each other.

One reason for adultery is that the wife stops looking good. This makes the temptation of adultery even greater. Now, I'm not excusing adultery. Adultery is wrong no matter what the reason is. I'm simply trying to help you avoid adultery and at the same time rekindle your marriage.

Here's a scenario that's repeated in thousands of households. The couple wakes up and the first thing they see is each other with sleepy, puffy eyes. But instead of the wife getting dress before her husband goes to work, she stays looking a real mess.

She puts on those big rollers on her hair that makes her look like she's ready for an execution. She puts on the old, rotten robe that should have be burned at the inquisition. She doesn't brush her teeth, so her breath smells like the breath of ten thousand camels.

But her husband has to get ready for work. He combs his hair, brushes his teeth, splashes on cologne and puts on his suit. He looks like he came out of GQ magazine.

And as he drives off in his car, he sees in the rear view mirror his wife standing at the front door, looking like she just had an operation. She could be seen waving at him as he hears the fainted words from his wife, "Hurry back!"

And what does he find at work? He finds these knock out women who look like they came out of Vogue magazine. He smells their pretty perfume. He looks at their enticing clothes. And one of the women shows a little interest in him. But he tries to resist temptation. He knows he has someone at home who loves him. He must say no to this other woman.

But as he compares notes, this other woman sure looks a lot better than his wife. And...well...you know the rest of the story.

Again, I want to reiterate that I'm not excusing this man's behavior, I'm simply showing how temptation works. So it's important that both the husband and wife continue to look good for each other.

Husbands can be just as guilty. Many have a belly that hangs over their belt. They demand to save money and wear the clothes that belong to the seventies. They stop wearing deodorant, after all they prefer the manly smell. The trouble is the manly fragrance smells more like the city dump.

As you can see, it's important to be attractive for each other, just like you used to be.

These and many other things are some of the logs you can place in your fire that can rekindle your marriage.

5. Talk to each other. Don't you remember how you used to love talking to each other over the phone? You used to spend hours on the phone talking about nothing. And through your conversations you fell in love more with each other. Why? Because words are the most intimate things we possess.

Words reveal your heart.

Yet many couples don't even share important things with each other. Have you shared your dreams with each other lately? Do it. It's amazing how words can make you fall in love again.

6. Submit to each other. When you were first dating, I'm sure that you asked your partner what he would like to do, where he would like to eat.

You used to say, "Honey, it doesn't matter to me where we eat tonight or which movie to go to. Whatever you want is fine with me." You see, you wanted to please the other person.

But now you may have started arguing over which restaurant you were going to eat at. You want your way, and he wants his way. It's time to remember that it is more blessed to give than to receive.


Enjoy a Windows Media presentation where Tom and Sonia share how to have a "Marriage Made in Heaven: Part 1 and Part 2." They explore the differences between men and women, and show how each partner can better meet each other's unique needs. They filmed the shows in the Caribbean Islands. What Wives Need and What Husbands Need. Both shows are 28 min 30 sec each.

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